25 Things A Pirate Would Never Say Aloud

Jun 19, 2015


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As you sail through the skyways you encounter all kinds of really colorful characters asking for the most unusual favors.  Being a pirate, snarkiness is just how we roll, it’s part of the Pirate Code after all.  Being a smart pirate though we know we cannot just spout off when ever we want to because, to be honest, these guys are a little rough around the edges.

These are the snarky little quips that have gone through every pirate’s mind yet discretion kept them from passing through our lips.

   1)   When confronted by rude players or snarky bosses

 “This is my Uncle Ratty.  He looks out for me.”


   2)   While Battling Stormzilla in Mooshu:

“Oh THIS is gonna leave a mark!”

   3)   When talking with Emperor Tibirdius and he gestures with his sword:

“That’s not a knife.   THAT’S a knife!”

That's Not A Knife THAT'S A Knife

   4)   In Aquila Fighting Colossus:

“Oh was THAT your chin?  My bad.”

   5)   To Don Rodrigo:

   “GASP!  YOU’RE El Toro?  I had no IDEA!” 
*Wipes dripping sarcasm off of screen*

Chrissy & El Toro Meet Don Rodrigo

   6)   To Bonnie Anne and Ratbeard:

“Will you two quit bickering like little children or
 I am gonna make you BOTH walk the plank!”

Bonnie Anne & Ratbeard Square Off Again

   7)   To General Tso’s Ships:

“Just hand over the rice and I may let you keep a ship or two.”
*One week later*
  “OK, OK, you have more ships than Mooda. 
Please let me have some rice and I will quietly go away.”

   8)   To Inoshishi Bandits:

“OK I am not leaving until you hand over that key!” 
Two weeks later……”I didn’t mean it!  
PLEASE may I just borrow it for a little while?”


   9)   When giving tax money back to the Yagizawa Villagers:

*Sets Bonnie Anne as First Mate to follow and runs around singing; 
“Robin Hood and Little John Running Through the Forest” 
and Says “Oo-De-Lally” upon presenting each bag of gold.*

Chrissy & Bonnie Anne With Robin Hood & Little John oo-de-lally

© Walt Disney Studios

   10)   To Moo Manchu:

“Let me suggest two things to you: 
Towering Inferno and BBQ.”

Moo's Tower On Fire

   11)   To Friar Sand:

“Let’s just skip all the chit chat. You hand over the goods or 
Catbeard will smack you with his fish.” 
Friar Sand: “Nooooooooooooooooo!”


   12)   To Red Fox:

“Well SOMEone sure got up on the wrong side 
of the foxhole this morning!”

   13)   To Hawkules:

“YES, I have heard who your daddy is and if you remind me one more time 
I am gonna make you bunk with El Toro.”

Hawkules & Zeus

   14)   To Rooke:

“Hey Rooke, Ya can’t touch THIS!”


   15)   To Wizard Players:

“We Pirates, we take this jeweling thing to a whole new level.”


16)   To Wizard Players:

“You have dragons……We have DRAGONS!”


17)  To Wizard Players:

“You wizards use traps, right?  

Let us pirates teach you a thing or two about TRAPS!”


18) To Wizard Players:

“You wizards have a cute little Phoenix there. 

Have you seen ours?”


   19)   To Catbeard: 

“Of COURSE I was serious! 

You are getting a bath the moment I ‘Get You Outta Here’.”


   20)   To the powers that be:

“Now THIS is precisely why any 

respectable pirate needs some lockpicking skills.”


   21)   After a Kracken wave damages your ship:

“Hey Storm Lord!  A little help here.”


   22)   Whenever you arrive at your house:

*Immediately starts talking in baby talk 

to all the pets guarding the place.*


   23)   While traveling through The Passage:

“Come on crew, It’s time to play Whack a Scylla.”


   24)  After finally earning the right to buy your Pegasus, there is a bit of a steep learning curve with this flight thing:

“Flying lesson number one: 

Never try to land with your eyes closed.”


   25)   At the end of every good and noble pirate’s day:

“Wrongs righted, wreckage and destruction in my wake, 

my work here is done.”

Wreckage & Devastation In My Wake Sounds Like A Normal Day

   I am sure I am not the only pirate with an inclination to be a smart alec. I bet you have lots of hysterical one liners that will crack us all up.  Please leave comments with your best, snarkiest comebacks and we will all get our fill of sass filled fun. 😀

   Blessings and Giggles on ya.

P.S. If you haven’t read it yet, please be sure to catch Vanessa Mythdust’s “25 Things A Wizard Would Never Say Aloud” 

Thanks to Harmony Everheart for arranging a modeling session with Hawkules for me. 😀



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  1. John

    Chrissy does it with another wonderful posting. She is very wonderful and helpful person with a lot of insight with Wizard 101 as well as Pirate 101. This story is a wonderful read :).

  2. Chrissy the Blesser

    Aww John, you say the sweetest things. 😀 Thank you so very kindly <3

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